Consider them very carefully for you will have only this chance and you don’t want to add those which ought not be included or be forever burdened by those you overlooked or misassumed you wanted to retain. When you are quite certain you are finished, that your list is exactly as you wish it, that all your dislikes and regrets are properly delineated, then walk slowly to the river, pen at the ready, and write them with a precise hand upon the water.
Cheever was having a bad day, that much was immediately obvious. Perhaps it was the two martini’s in town before lunch, but he says it only made him giddy. We all know better and by late afternoon his mood has soured completely, his emotions have slipped back into turmoil. He says a few cocktails will cure him, or at least make him bearable. He will soon consider AA again, drinking dry the liquor cabinet in the consideration. Elsewhere and in another time, Borges reminds us, an Irish poet, held prisoner in the last days of the Irish civil war, knows he will be executed in the morning, and so slips out of the house that serves as his prison, and into the water icy, frigid, now hating the Barrow river. He swims as best he can, promising that if the river god allows him to live he will present her with two swans. He does live, he does place two swans onto the river the following spring, and he dreams one day of visiting Coole.
He said, “I survived the war, was up to my armpits in water wading through the night through the rice plants that would never bear grain once we called in the orange. I walk through minefields, the noise a deafening silence since the only sound that mattered was the click that shouted death You think Ii have issues now and in your mind I certainly do but you my issues didn’t go away like Jamie’s, he heard that click and a moment later his issues were gone, and the moon was painted blood red that night and it inhabits my dreams still.
We crossed the Hudson this afternoon on a Dutch named bridge in a driving rain so strong you could hear little over the beat of the wipers throwing sheets of water. You wondered why the superstructure was only on the Eastern end. I wondered why they had to have a Dutch name no one can translate. The river’s surprisingly wide here and you can’t even see the dead fish or the waste from the plants up river, its just a silver sheet of water and the slashing of the wipers and that name no one can translate.
Denial grows easier with practice until you get to the point were even the existence absolute proof is little more than an obstacle to be skirted. They know it is easy, a facile task to an audience that wants to believe. That is the key, for wanting to believe is enough to make the false true, and even beginning to step deeper into the swamp will not stop them, for even as the water rises about them they see what might be and ignore what is, and what will be, for a promise believe is always enough, until it isn’t.
It will arrive before you know it, will be gone again before you realize it was even here. This is how it is supposed to be, Even if not how we want it. We will know it had been there and that needs to be enough for we would try and grasp it, try to contain it, hold it. But we are a sieve to water, an hourglass to sand, and satori would have no other way.