You could feel the tears
embedded in the email
“We didn’t know
she had only three years.”
She is 84 and failing
in so many small ways
that the prognosis
comes with great pain,
but barely shock
save for its delivery.
So we cherish
the remaining days
and cast the estimate aside.
The hard part
of death and dying
is not
the giving up
or letting go
but the
taking from.
This is why
the living
fear death
while the dead
are fearless.
If you very much want something
you must ask for it clearly, but
if you ask for it, it will be denied to you.
If you do not ask for it, you
may be certain you will not get it
no matter how much you want it.
If you sit and think about this,
you will miss out on living.
It is only when you don’t want it,
when you allow the silence without
question, without need or desire,
that you will discover that you
have had it all along, right beside you.
He is fond of saying
that time is on our side,
although we both know
that time does not take sides,
is incapable of action,
is passive in passage.
It is something of which
we may never have enough,
but we are certain
no one has more than we
in this moment. He
cannot imagine running out
of time, though I know that
I will ,but won’t know
when it finally happens.
