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ABSURD, FL
The utter and complete absurdityof living in Florida canbe ever so easily illustrated. Last evening the neighbor’sdog decided it neededto express itself and did soin clear and loud terms. The limpkins and gallinulesin the wetland behindboth our homes shouted backand based on my admittedlylimited vocabulary of birdthere were several fourletter words and at least oneupraised…
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CITY OF DREAMS
I live in city thatisn’t a city at all,despite what it callsitself. It is a suburbof suburbs, whichin Florida can passfor a city. The birds ignorethe gates and wallsand come and gofreely. We live insidethe gates and wallsand remember livingin a real city.
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AVIAN CONUNDRUM
The woodpeckers here seemquite content to beat their headsagainst palm trees, which I am notcertain should qualify as trees,not a ring to be seen if you cutone down, but they tend to fallbefore you get to that point. The most common woodpeckeris the red bellied, which itselfis odd since his head is bright redhis belly…
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ALLIGATOR TEARS
Despite my admittedly limted effortsI still fail to understand whypeople here have fallen so in lovewith plastic shoes, and more so,why they are called Crocsand feature a crocodile on the package. I know one species of crocdoes inhabit this country, but almostexclusively in South Florida,where alligators are far more prevalent. And in any event, if…
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CUISINE
When I was younger (much), Icould wander Manhattan and bewhat any neighborhood required,so long as I stayed southof 110th Street or north of 155th. I was Greek ordering gyros,Russian at the Tea Room,Italian along Mulberry and Canal,although in Chinatown I was justsomeone who wandered a bit farfrom the heart of Little Italy. I could order…
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IN THE JUNGLE
If you close your eyesyou can imagine that this gardenwas once a tropical jungleas imagined by some cleverFloridian striving to separatemore tourists from theirdwindling travellers checks. It has been carefully done over,plants native and ornamentalreplacing the vines and trees,the alligators, real and imaginarygone, now an exhibit of Lego animals,the orchids in bloom, andyou wonder why…
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BENEATH THE WAVES
She says she has always wantedto swim like a dolphin, and she laughswhen others tell her that she can,in the Florida Keys and in Hawaii. She tells them that anyone, at leastanyone with money can swimwith the dolphins, but she wantsto swim like a dolphin as well. She wants to see the sky appearthrough the…
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NOT A DONUT
I have never made a bagel. I have never jumped off the roof of a house to see what flight was like. I have never run a marathon or a half marathon. I have never owned a Ferrari, Lamborghini or Maserati. Or a Porsche for that matter. I have never driven a car at more…
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AND CUT
It is a sad fact of life that Floridahas disqualified itself as a movie setfor a vast number of filmsthat will now go before the cameraon the streets of some Canadian city. No one is making films aboutdrug runners coming ashore inteal and pink with a soundtrackby Jan Hammer, since the illicitdrug of the moment…
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MOVING
When we tell friendsand acquaintances that weare moving up the coast,they look at us quizzically. We think they wonder whywe are leaving our friends,a world we have come to know,for a place so alien to us. We tell them that was by farthe hardest part, letting goof those we treasure, hopingthey will soon come to…
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an old writer and his words 