Why do the televangelists
beg and cajole me,
constantly ask me
for my money?
Surely they must know
that in Eden
which they promise,
we are all naked
and have no pockets.
He imagined what it must have been like
in the garden, before the snake, before
the damned apple, though certainly not
before the missing rib, that was a complete
and utter bore, and yes beauty can be
infinitely boring given half a chance.
But to be blissfully ignorant, without
the burden of knowledge, the taste
of the apple on the tongue, to just
be in the middle of perfection, and be
perfection itself, that had to be something.
But no, there would have been no mirrors,
and who knows if it would have seemed
the least bit beautiful, since there
would have been nothing to compare it to.
Maybe we should honor the snake.
A commentary on a holy book
cannot hear one another.
Perhaps their deafness goes
beyond family and species.
It would do much
to explain God’s rejection
of Eve’s proffered excuse
that despite her protestations
and those of Adam
the snake would not
take no for an answer –
a deaf snake, after all
having spoken, has little
to do but move along
to the next monologue.
In my dream God came to me,
said “look, I need a break, some
real time away from the job, not just
one day a week, where it’s all I can do
to keep up, but a serious vacation,
call it a Sabbatical if you want.
I need someone to hold the fort
and was wondering if you had
any interest. Just don’t do anything
too perverse and pretend, at least,
to listen to their endless pleas.”
The gravamen, the omniness of it all,
the chance to wildly stir the karmic stew
to gain that exquisite revenge
that practicality and reality deny.
Or peace even, universal, the
answer to a thousand prophesies,
there with no thunder, lightening,
mushrooming clouds, just there
like a fog that creeps
into San Francisco Bay.
That would do it, shock the hell
out of them, so used to strife,
petty and global, here one minute
gone the next, Eden, at least until
old Darwin and Malthus
kick in and they slowly starve.
No thanks, I’ll pass.
Standing in the garden
soaking in the sudden downpour
Eve turned to Adam and said,
“Did you bring the umbrella?”
“What’s an umbrella?” Adam asked.
“I’m eating the apple” Eve replied.
He says, “You know it is long
past time to stop blaming the poor snake,
it wasn’t his fault and when you stop
and think about it, he told no lies.
And what makes you think that he
had any idea of the consequences
of the offer. will you admit snakes
are as sentient as we are?”
She says, “I don’t disagree with you,
the snake should never have been blamed,
the real blame goes to the apple.
It was the source of all of the trouble.
But was it cursed and abused through history?
No, quite the contrary, it was honored,
recommended to avoid illness.
He says, “But blaming the apple
is silly, it’s a piece of fruit,
nothing more, and was just present.”
She says, “We both know you’d
like to blame Eve, it is the woman
you think was the cause of eviction.
But you dare not say it, for
with me present, you know
I would point out that such would be
an admission that women are,
after all, smarter than men.
Now, please, go eat your apple.”