He said he sent God an email
but got no response until, after three days,
he got a bounce back saying the account
had been closed for lack of payment.
A few hours on the internet yielded
a heavenly website, and after another hour
digging down into the site map, he found
a tiny hot link to the Contact Us page,
and there a phone number he
immediately called. What could be better
than asking God directly, he figured.
He should have known better, and did
when on the third ring the phone was answered
and the recording began, “For Jewish, Press 1;
for Catholic and most Protestants, Press 2;
for Muslims, Press 3; For atheists
and non-believers, Press 4.
He pressed two and was told the office
was only open for calls on Sunday from 6 AM
until noon, and occasional Saturday afternoons.
Unsatisfied he called back, pressed 1 and learned
the phone would only be answered Friday night or
Saturday, though he doubted anyone worked then.
He tried 4 on the next call and was transferred
to a line that seemed to be answered in Norwegian
by someone who he thought said was in the branch
office in Stjordal in Nord-Trondelag.
The afternoon was growing short
and he realized he didn’t really care
about the answer, wasn’t sure
he’d believe it anyway.
First appeared in Dipity Online Literary, February 2023
NOTE: Jazz K, the editor did an amazing job with her treatment of the poem. It is worth a visit for that alone.